This morning we had a school assembly, and we had strict instructions to keep our camera on. I get it; they don't want students to sign into the Zoom and then just wander off and get a snack, perhaps never to return. But today I really didn't want my camera on. I was having a rough morning, and I'd been crying right before the Zoom began. Never mind why. You couldn't tell why from looking at my face, but there were tell-tale signs of the tears. I have one of those pale faces that shows every emotion. And in this case, the emotion had made my face bright red. (Once when I had a cold, one of my students was heard to say, "So it's true! White people's noses do turn red when they blow them a lot!" How happy I was to contribute to this child's education in this way.)
We always tell kids nobody is looking at them when they are feeling self-conscious, and I know nobody was looking at me, but still I felt like a beacon on that Zoom screen, my red nose an advertisement for my sadness.
So what am I thankful for today, and why am I telling this story? Well, I'm thankful for emotions. Even when I'm having difficult ones, ones I don't want to feel, I am thankful that I can experience them. Because I feel emotions deeply, that means the happy ones are very happy. And I know the sad ones won't last forever. In fact, the day ended with much better news.
Whatever I feel,
You can see it on my face.
Camera zooms in.
Birdtober? Gratiku? What's up with me and these made-up words and daily posting? Well, I've learned that a tiny little burst of creativity each day helps keep me going, stops me from being entirely fixated on the mess. That's why I post daily photos on Facebook. And that's why I'm doing these writing projects. This one is a daily haiku about something I'm thankful for. (A gratitude haiku - get it?) As long as the internet keeps working, I'm going to try to post one every day in November.
Sorry for your sadness, Ruth, but glad to hear of your good news. Sending good wishes for finding more good news!
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