Monday, March 22, 2010

The Resentment

I thought that Tara and I were going to keep this secret, but she blogged about it today, calling me only "a friend" - way to keep me anonymous, Tara! - so I thought I should blog about it too.

The Resentment.

As Tara puts it,

We've recently (with the help of a friend) coined the phrase "The resentment" - also known simply as "T.R." This is the deep and somewhat (or entirely?) irrational dislike for anyone who gets to be in Haiti right now. "T. R." is amplified if they are with our friends, doing "our" jobs, or sleeping in our bedrooms. Now, you might be saying to yourself - "Come on guys, it is helping the Haitian people that you claim to love so much - how can you be resentful? How old are you, six?" - And in response we would say, "We WERE six once - and yes, you are right - we want good people to do good things for Haitian people -- but also - yes - we are immature and jealous and a bit resentful that it is them and not us." So be it. We're confessing. It seems T.R. waxes and wanes depending on the day and the amount of rest we've gotten the night before. :)

See the smiley? That shows how nice Tara and I really are. But yes, we do have a hard time reading about other people teaching OUR students (oh wait, that's just me). Case in point. "Best English teacher in Haiti." Ouch.

I really do love Katie and I know she is doing a great job teaching my kids, but those are MY kids. MINE. I feel territorial about my classroom and my students. At least she's not in my classroom, since, as I learned from my brother-in-law who just got back from Haiti on Saturday, my classroom is being used to store medications. The middle school science room is a prosthetics workroom. My husband is working in the elementary library instead of his office.

Deal with it. There was an earthquake. You're still alive.

My brother-in-law also told me that he spent some time sorting books, including MY classroom library with the number 23 lovingly written on each book with a Sharpie. (I already blogged here about my grief over my classroom library.) So I have some hope that some day my books will be reunited in one room again.

What can I say? I WAS six once.


Cory & Kris Thede said...

No great words of wisdom but I feel for you.

We live in Northern Haiti and at times I feel the strong pull to return South and do more.

Glad you have a friend to talk this out with-listening ears can be great therapy.

T & T Livesay said...

it is good to be six. :) life was simpler then, just ask Noah and Seb

Kathie said...

I read Tara's blog before I read yours and I just knew you were "the friend" who coined TR with her! It was so like you! I used to teach in room 23. Julie Bitner, Christine Dupuy, Paul Trimble, Lennie Louis, Betsy, Georges... I do understand how you feel. It will get better. I promise!

Ruth said...

The term is Tara's. I can only lay claim to the immature emotions.

Tricia said...

Hey, you know what? I think my 9 year old would feel that way too. So revel in your inner 9 yo as well. :^)

Besides, aren't we supposed to keep in touch with those parts of ourselves? Doesn't Jesus welcome the children with open arms?

But I'm sorry you're in this place where you have to deal with T.R. I wish I knew the right words to say, but there really aren't any right words...

Ruth said...

Tricia, you are my hero, defending me like that on the other blog! And that was before I even whined about it!

K said...

Just words of a sweet husband, not a statement of fact:) We miss you, and your kids will be so happy to have you back soon.


Ruth said...

Katie, I really hope you didn't take any of this personally. I know you are doing a fantastic job.