In 2014, Haiti got hit with the Chikungunya virus, which caused a lot of pain and suffering here before just about everyone had had it. It didn't kill, but it did hurt, at the time and for months and months after. And one thing that we noticed was that it seemed to affect older people worse, and especially older people who had hurt themselves a lot before. If you'd broken bones previously, those parts hurt the most. It was like a reminder of all your past pain. (I wrote about this at the time here.)
Trauma works that way, too. Sometimes when you see people in the news because of some enormous crisis, that's not the first time they are going through difficulties. I think about that when I read about Afghanistan's current woes; those people have already been through a lot, both in history and in living memory. And the same is true here in Haiti.
I was talking to a long-time friend the other day and she commented, "You don't get to be our age without having some pain," and boy, is that true. (But we're also both blessed enough to have experienced many joyful moments, too. I'm not sure that's true of everyone.)
Then I read that my friend Emily Dickinson said this about it all:
They say that "time assuages," -
Time never did assuage;
An actual suffering strengthens,
As sinews do, with age.
Time is a test of trouble,
But not a remedy.
If such it prove, it prove too
There was no malady.
Emily Dickinson
I guess my point is just that we need to be careful with each other, because we're all going through a lot these days. Sometimes a small thing will set someone (adult or kid) off, and you may not see all that led to that moment. It's worth responding with grace anyway.
And also, for those people far away from us who are in crisis, we can help make things a little easier. In my Poetry Friday post last week, I suggested some places you might like to donate if you're interested in helping with earthquake relief in Haiti.
Today's roundup is here.
17 comments:
Like scar tissue, like long COVID, like generational poverty, like systemic oppression. I'm about to read a book called THE BODY KEEPS THE SCORE. I guess we can heal if given the chance, but not forget really ever. Love to you.
Wise words, Ruth. We need to be gentle with others, but also with ourselves. And we need to share; kindness, resources and joy. Take care.💓
"we just need to be careful with each other..."
So true -- and thanks for the moment spent with Emily!
It's well worth reminding all to be careful with the feelings of others. Thank you for sharing ED's poem. I looked up the word Assuage, because it's always interesting to try to figure out how she is using a word.
Excellent point, Ruth. We never know what causes someone to act or react the way they do, what weight they carry. Thank you for this important message. My best to you...
I met a former parent & also colleague this week, to give her a book & catch up with what's going on in her life. She's still here but her daughters are all over the world. This time, I learned that one (who is in her twenties) who has already fought & survived has found that her cancer is back. Yes, we must take it easy with people because until we really talk with them, we don't know what is going on. The pain remains but is so often hidden. I am thinking of you all in Haiti, Ruth, saw that Chef Andres is there helping & hope things are a little better. Thanks for Emily's words.
Always helpful to have a reminder...Thank you!
Oof - I've never heard that Dickinson poem before. I'll have to hang onto it. I'm so sorry Haiti is hit again - and so devastatingly. Thank you for all the links in last week's post.
I appreciate your perspective, Ruth, and think of you every day, and Haiti, as it recovers. Afghanistan is another heartbreak.. it's not that we should be without pain. Just seems so unfair that some corners get so much dumped on them, time and again. Life is a mystery. xo
"It's worth responding with grace anyway." Isn't that the truth!? I'm so sorry for all the pain that's wracking our world and your corner of it.
Just want to say, amen to this post! Yes, we need to be careful with each other. I've so enjoyed seeing students return...and there are some painful bits in alot of them too. Take care, Ruth. I love the Dickinson poem. She was so wise.
Thank you, Ruth. Peace to you and yours. What a positively empathetic post. You are a treasure.
A wise reminder of the grace we can show to others when we react with kindness and compassion, even in the face of a reaction that catches us off guard.
"It's worth responding with grace anyway." - yes! All of us, always. Thank you for sharing this bit of wisdom with some Emily on the side. :)
Emily Dickinson, telling it like it is.
Reading your post, Ruth, I was also reminded of the Miller Williams poem "Compassion," with its lines, "You do not know what wars are going on/down there where the spirit meets the bone."
Thanks for your sensitive and wise words of/for Care Ruth, a little can go many miles. And for Emily Dickinson's words too!
Big truth here. We always need to remember the heavy burdens that others are carrying.
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