Seven months ago, I was in the hospital after I was diagnosed with a vitamin deficiency. One of the things the doctor said to me during the process of the diagnosis was, "You've probably been losing weight for a long time, right?" I had been. I had constant gastro-intestinal issues, a steadily decreasing appetite, and at the end, a sore mouth. I didn't feel like eating, and what I did eat didn't sit well with me.
As I get better and better, I have started gaining some weight. This is a good thing. I was too thin. And it's good that I'm eating well again, enjoying food, and feeling healthy and strong. So far my weight gain is in the single digits and my clothes all still fit.
And yet, I am embarrassed to admit that I really don't like seeing the numbers go up on the scale. I'm starting to realize that I liked being thin, even though I was too thin. Even though gaining weight is what I need to be doing, it makes me worried. And all this is true even though I live in a culture where a little extra weight on a woman is considered beautiful.
Isn't this so silly? I am surprised to find out that I have these unhealthy attitudes about weight. I am trying to get used to reminding myself that the number isn't at all the issue; good health is.