This morning we had a school assembly, and we had strict instructions to keep our camera on. I get it; they don't want students to sign into the Zoom and then just wander off and get a snack, perhaps never to return. But today I really didn't want my camera on. I was having a rough morning, and I'd been crying right before the Zoom began. Never mind why. You couldn't tell why from looking at my face, but there were tell-tale signs of the tears. I have one of those pale faces that shows every emotion. And in this case, the emotion had made my face bright red. (Once when I had a cold, one of my students was heard to say, "So it's true! White people's noses do turn red when they blow them a lot!" How happy I was to contribute to this child's education in this way.)
We always tell kids nobody is looking at them when they are feeling self-conscious, and I know nobody was looking at me, but still I felt like a beacon on that Zoom screen, my red nose an advertisement for my sadness.
So what am I thankful for today, and why am I telling this story? Well, I'm thankful for emotions. Even when I'm having difficult ones, ones I don't want to feel, I am thankful that I can experience them. Because I feel emotions deeply, that means the happy ones are very happy. And I know the sad ones won't last forever. In fact, the day ended with much better news.
Whatever I feel,
You can see it on my face.
Camera zooms in.
Birdtober? Gratiku? What's up with me and these made-up words and daily posting? Well, I've learned that a tiny little burst of creativity each day helps keep me going, stops me from being entirely fixated on the mess. That's why I post daily photos on Facebook. And that's why I'm doing these writing projects. This one is a daily haiku about something I'm thankful for. (A gratitude haiku - get it?) As long as the internet keeps working, I'm going to try to post one every day in November.